Fresh Start

Well, clearly it has been quite a long time since I’ve blogged. Blogging, I’ve realized, is difficult because once you begin, you’re expected to steadily maintain your site. This can be difficult if you lack the time and inspiration to write or are picky about the subject you decide to blog about, like me. Nothing out of the ordinary has occurred lately. This summer I chose to remain in Provo to take classes and work, and the majority of my time was spent doing those two things and struggling. Looking back on it now, I realize that a lot of the time I spent struggling could have been avoided. When you are placed in a situation that is less than desirable (to put it lightly), you are able to learn things about yourself that need improvement. This learning is, unfortunately, a lifelong process. The first time I was uncomfortable at school I wanted someone to tell me exactly what I need to do to feel better. I wanted a clear diagnosis of what my issues were. I did not want to hear “you’ll feel better if you stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about others” or “you’ll feel better if you get a job and be productive.” Finally, after a year of living in Utah on my own, I’ve come to realize that there really is no solution to the problems of life. Problems, trials, obstacles, etc. will always come, and the only thing you can control is how YOU handle them.
Without getting into much detail, my living situation this spring and summer term at school was just not fair. When I first moved in, I tried to be optimistic about everything. I noticed little things that I didn’t feel were right but decided that rather than confronting the problem, I would over compensate for a lack of courtesy by killing with kindness. I did not address any problems initially, and the situation got worse and worse, literally draining my roommates and I of energy to even fight anymore. By the end of the summer as the time was approaching for me to go home, I was EXHAUSTED. Tired of being lied to and trying to defend myself, tired of being accused unfairly, tired of taking hits for someone else’s lack of honesty. I had a very difficult time moving on from the situation as I didn’t feel it was resolved properly. I wish I could give more detail, but I am trying to go forth with a forgive and forget attitude. As mentioned before, one of the things I have learned is that I am only in control of myself. Instead of blaming another person, I decided to look back on the situation and determine what I could have done better to avoid it. One of the things I took from this experience was that communication is a major, MAJOR key to a happy relationship and friendship. If issues arise, it is absolutely crucial that one communicates with another and compromise is made. I avoided confrontation and this created a lot of internal negativity that eventually was really draining for me. I also had my first real taste of the difficulty of forgiveness. I absolutely did not want to forgive in this situation, but realized that the only person this was hurting was myself. Forgiving allowed me to let go of the emotions I had tied to this summer and MOVE ON!
Now, what am I moving on to? Another sweet semester at Brigham Young University. In just a few days I will be moving in to a new apartment with new roommates and new ward and starting class once again. I have my all-sports pass ready to go and can’t wait for another football season! I have an interview on September 8th to determine whether or not I will be leaving this January to study abroad in MADRID! And to top it off, my brother will be home in just FIVE months!! I have a lot of things to be grateful for and now I will shift my focus to those things. More to come soon☺!